While your college music professor will never admit it, metal has come a long way. Since whenever the movement started (some trace it back as far as the release of the Beatles distortion-fest "Helter Skelter" in 1968) it's been marked by individuals of most unsavory dispositions: hooligans, delinquents, personae non gratae. However, as the genre has evolved, so have its advocators.
Generally speaking, today's connoisseur of the heavy is a different beast all together; one with a Kohls wardrobe, suburban diggs, and repressed ego to burn. He comes from an upper-middle class household and carries years of pent up aggression just waiting to be released upon his fellow forum crawlers. He may be stubborn, but he sure is arrogant.
Naturally, the proto-typical meat-heads still exist today, but they listen to Godsmack and Five Finger Death Punch, so they probably don't possess the vocabulary or wits necessary to commit the atrocities I'm overdue to mention.
Five Finger Skid Mark: YOU have hemorrhoids.
In response to the flourishing diversity and creativity present in certain continents of the metal world, an elect many have taken it upon themselves to provide everyone with a new set of vocabulary to confuse and anger all parties involved.
It's true that good metal bands continuously push the boundaries to stay relevant, but you probably don't need a four-hyphen modifier to describe their totally unique-ass sounds.
The process of selecting the terms for your ad-lib metal snob-fest may be done as follows: purchase one of those blank magnetic poetry sets, scribble down a bunch of vague buzz words like: post, progressive, blackened, melo, groove, core, etc. and scramble them up to see what kinds of exciting new genres of nonsense you can create. Here's one of my favorites:
... core.
The possibilities are endless. Why waste your time using real words and useful descriptions, when you can flaunt your bottomless knowledge of forum lingo and unrivaled authority on subjects few actually care about? It's fine to say nothing of any value about the music you listen to, just as long as you say a lot of it.
One of the more interesting characteristics of this cult of mental masturbation is its raw creativity when it comes to crafting insulting anti-genres. These "edgy," new classifications not only contribute precious little to any discussion at hand, but do a far more thorough job describing the people who listen to such bands than they ever do the bands themselves.
Mall-core is a fine example. This is a nice encompassing term that can refer to any band that is 2 radio friendly for the tr00 metal heads. These bands tend to be severely lacking in the hxc factors (hardcore if you didn't get the abbreviation-- loser) and teh br00tals.
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Whenever an elitist tool wants to offend you and your tastes he'll call any of the heavy bands you like (as long as they use even a miniscule amount of melody) mall-core. This term is meant to insinuate that the music in question is trendy and pseudo-tough enough to appeal to the much maligned Hot Topic crowd of troubled white kid posers.
Another gem is the burgeoning hipster metal anti-genre. This topic has been one of much debate over the past couple of years (mostly by hipsters, who won't admit they're hipsters-). Hipster metal, like mall-core, opens so many cans of worms that the stench of description is almost unbearable.
When did Mastodon get so counter-culture?
There is no token hipster music, although hipsters do tend to like indie rock and low-fi bullsh**. Hipster metal is just hard rock or metally-music that hipsters feel compelled to like either by Pitchfork or Alternative Press. Many of these bands just happen to be from Atlanta and have an enduring reverence for Black Sabbath.
Good luck getting your girlfriend to understand all that.
Metal, by design, is an exclusive genre and a work of rebellion. It's accepted by a meager minority of disaffected youts and that's the way many prefer it. However, lessening the appeal of an entire musical community via countless acts cyber snobbery just isn't necessary.
For all of you self-appointed genre authorities out there, I propose a new rebellion; I propose that your heads rebel from the deep crevices of your bungholes. Metal will unsell itself without your help.
Plus, I don't see Meshuggah attaining cult status in mall, hipster, or crab circles any time soon.
Wait, was that a little Fear Factory influence I detected?
i literally laughed out loud when reading about the magnetic poetry strips and scrambling up words to create new genres. brilliant.
ReplyDeleteWell.. Coming from someone that adores innovation in the world of modern metal there's a couple of things..
ReplyDelete1. If the representative sample in your investigation of modern metal is the archetypal "cunt" stereotype, the absolute least common denominator, it's bad science.
2. As for crazy genre descriptions; despite the obvious inefficiency, using words to define the type of music played is generally effective. A 2 word hyphenate goes a long way for someone who knows what the words mean contextually in the music. If scary genre titles are putting you off, you should listen to more metal.
3. You comment that the hyper description of modern metal genres "contribute[s] little to the discussion at hand". What pray tell is the discussion at hand? Is it the accurate description of what a metal band sounds like? Unfortunately, I do concede that there are repetitive trends of music composition within modern metal. That however, is why such hyper descriptive genres are needed; to sift through the garbage.
4. As for hipster metal and mallcore... that is fucking hilarious, i have no idea what the fuck that's all about, i must be too old.
I'm the first to admit that I delete 80% of the metal albums I find. But the remaining 20% FAR outweighs any cons. Long live modern metal, and long live the evolution of modern metal.
Metal Mike (hah kinda like that, sounds like metal spike...), thanks for the thoughtful comments; got some of my own:
ReplyDelete1) This investigation is a generalization of sorts, but not a hasty one. It is a bit of a dig at the "archetypal cunts" I've dealt with on review boards/forums/etc. It is also, to an extent, a dig at myself; I'm occasionally guilty of such schmucklery (I think I once referred to Textures as "neo math metal;" no idea what I was smoking-) This is by no means meant to imply that all modern metal heads are of this breed. Some of them are real sweethearts <3.
2) I agree with you to an extent, but more than 2 , maaaaaaybe 3, and I think you're pushing it. If a band truly requires that many adjectives to be properly described, it is either: a new super-band featuring God, Jesus, Moses, Muhammad, Buddha, and Vishnu, or a group of trendy bros trying way too hard to be unique. e.g.
http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/02/16/the-latest-metal-micro-genre-bastardization-dubstep-djent-djentstep/
3) I should have said "any" rather than "the" (changing now). The discussion is indeed, "the accurate description of what a metal band sounds like." Even if you happen to be speaking with someone well versed in metal terminology, you still say very little about a band's sound when you use pejorative terms like the aforementioned "mallcore" "hipster metal" "crab core (funny as it is)."
One could make a case that iwrestledabearonce is "mallcore." It would be a dumb-ass case, but someone could see their pop sensibility in the clean parts or image (don't even get me started on the ass-tulip that is "Fasion-core") as catering to a poser crowd. The person would provide no useful information about the band's style to those he speaks with.
4) Yes, ridiculous. Re-dank 4 sure.
5) You're preaching to the choir here. If you took this whole thing to be some kind of knock on the progression of modern metal, then you got me awwwwl wrong. I described the targets of my abuse above (I'm a little self-deprecating with my writing).
... And that's how the cookie crumbles.
I appreciate the mighty proper response, that's actually exactly what i wanted to hear. I just wanted to make 40k% sure that the cookie crumbled empirically and soundly (I had to make sure i was preaching to the choir). Thanks man =D
ReplyDelete