Sitting crammed in on a Megabus can only mean one thing to me; the periodic trip to visit the girl. Four hours on such a gentle giant, no doubt, leaves one ample time to snooze, cuddle under a moronic snuggie, and read until the inevitable nausea sets in. But today, I am doing none of those things; it seems I'm a bit distracted. I can't get a certain tune out of my head, and I'm losing brain cells by the minute.
You see, in a rendezvous I had with said girl a couple months ago, we had a pretty unusual argument, one that could only be described as nonsense with a side of steamed irrationality. The conflict was entirely due to this song (that I am probably humming aloud like an idiot).
How vulgar? How insensitive?
The fart charts are actually the only reason I discovered this greaseball of a ditty. A couple months back I attended a little late night get together with a couple young ladies (one being my girlfriend), after a show my band had played the same evening. It might speak to the quality of the gathering, but the life of the party was my guitarist checking the charts on a computer and grandly infuriating me in the process.
For me, reading these charts is comparable to researching the deficits of your state or checking your LDL cholesterol; you know it's gonna be bad, so why work yourself into a lather over it?
That was, until my eye was helplessly drawn toward an entry that read "Sex Is Good." Needless to say, my attention was had.
In addition to being about as informative a statement as:
buses are yellow
and pizza is delicious
the song sets the bar way high for 2K's next decade of radio rock douchellence. Oh, and someone high up is a regular comedian; Saving Abel is signed to Virgin.
However, the fact that this tune is listed as "Sex Is Good" is somewhat of a misnomer; the track should read "The Sex Is Good." A little different, but that notwithstanding, it's an error I am sure the band can live with. This distinction was articulated by my bandmate who so generously spelled out the chorus for all of us:
I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could
I'm not in love, but the sex is good
"Boy, can I relate," I said.
Cold does not begin to describe the shoulder I received from la chica that night (Ben Burnley would probably want to write a song about this ...). Of course, taking anything I say as a literal truth isn't all that different from reading Jonathan Swift's classic, A Modest Proposal, with a blind eye to irony (regardless of what you may have heard, I, under no circumstances, support the consumption of children). Regardless of the details of this outcome, I got to thinking.
This is just a hunch, but somehow I don't think the mullet-sporting, sweat ring on wife-beater- bearing macho men of Middle America are the only one's giving Saving Abel a thumbs up. I'm certainly not the first to call this out, but a lot of girls dig this shiz.
Sure, it's been discussed to death in reference to rap and hip-hop, that many of those carrying the XX chromosomes kinda like songs about licking lollypops in candy shops and being cheated on by no-name asswad #15093862, but it is quite curious then that these bountiful opportunities lose their appeal in reality.
Hell, all I said was I could relate!
The French Enlightenment philosopher Voltaire, was once quoted as saying, "Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung." I'm gonna go ahead and amend that statement for everyone's benefit (no less, my own). "Anything that is too stupid to be spoken probably shouldn't be a song." Sorry Hanson; it's that simple.
Hahaha this is your best one yet!
ReplyDelete