Today is a day of justice.
Today, Diddy, a.k.a. P. Diddy, a.k.a. Puff Daddy, a.k.a. Sean "Puffy" Combs, a.k.a. Reese's Puffs, was due in court in response to a set of enduring grievances posed by alleged ex Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks.
In a move that ever so vaguely recalls Dr. Evil's more eccentric demands, Turks seeks to collect a chilly trill' from rap's man of many monikers. Move over Gates, get outta' town Buffet; there's a new champ of the cheddah upon us and the world (and Diddy's credit) will never be the same.
The allegations, which are apparently so appalling that they could not be reproduced in cohesive English sentences, include countless acts of belligerence toward Turks and the American people, not least of which include Combs' direct responsibility for 1/3 of the September 11th catastrophe. Turks claims:
[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair.
-
He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.
[1]
In other words, Puffins, his on-and-off-again girlfriend, and police brutality victim Rodney King, crafted a brilliant plan ten years ago to carry out an act of devastating terror and get away with it scott-free by framing a real terrorist, thousands of miles away.
-
He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.
[1]
Following the execution of this nefarious plot, the maniacal trio burst into Turks' home, table-topped both of her children, and then proceeded to organize a specialized insurance policy for her.
Diddy and Turks: The Happy Days
Naturally, this follows Turks being sexually assaulted and impregnated by Combs fourteen years prior to his most recent act of villainy. Six years after, though, Cocoa Puffs returned with a similar band of lackeys to finish what he had started by, again, tripping her children and repeatedly crushing all of them.
... And you thought tomatoes had it bad.
But the plot still thickens. Turks adds:
Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in. I want my chip please help me. it's well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys.
A trillion is just a drop in the bucket compared to the "100 zillions" plus Turks is entitled to. And how can one not be moved by her mention of Combs breaking her "baby 2 legs" (whatever that is). Case specialists agree that Diddy is being let off easy for this. Turks, surprisingly, opted not to pursue the highest punishment for the defendant's crimes: a lifetime sentence to being kicked in the shins daily by a middle school girls soccer team ... and being crushed.
Turks insists that the sum demanded is necessary compensation for child support and her late Fortune 500 company which was also "knocked down" by Diddy. If the case swings Turks' way, she stands to be the wealthiest person in human history by an exceptional margin.
Diddy may be a "Bad Boy for Life," but his descendants will probably be debt duds for generations.
[1] http://www.radaronline.com/sites/radaronline.com/files/Sean%20John%20P%20Diddy%20Combs%20TROu.pdf
No comments:
Post a Comment