The "Best" White Rappers You've Never Heard

A few months back, I did this big ol' thing about black musicians in rock and metal that I was fondly reminded of today. In recently coming upon a piece of music I can only describe as Allah's sunny nectar leaking down from the heavens— a fresh track off Limp Bizkit's new record, Gold Cobra (out today!)—I thought: there are also some really funtastic white rappers out there.

Today, I'm giving you the other side of the coin; those phenomenal wizards of the word who have just done so much for the vanilla face hip-hop community. You may not recognize many of the names on the list, but like any truly influential artists; their titles are oft forgotten while their influence stands.

Michael Clancy

Ya' know he's doing it. (Yo- who's doing it?). God's doing it, and a nü thing at that—channeling all of white middle-America's potential for terrible rappability into a winded ten-year-old's unsuspecting hands. M. Clancy may not have made much of a name for himself in the rap world of today, but with moves like butta' and a flow this tight, it's clear that God must have spent a little more time on ... other things.

Boostalk

Like peanut butter? So does Boostalk, apparently so much so that he decided to record a track with a mouthful of that gunk swuwwulling awound. If you can make out more than 20% of what he's saying, mad props.

Chuggo

AHHHH C'MON FUCKIN' GUY! Actually, I have nothing negative to say about this song or this rapper. Kinda like Chocolate Rain on roid rage. Man, I wish I had a walking stick like that.

Denny "Blazin'" Hazen

I can't claim any foundership of this gem, but to this day it reigns supreme.  Let's see:

-Awesomely bad mullet. Check.
-Completely arhythmic flow. Yup.
-Grooveless beats. Seems so.
-Nothing remotely melodic or catchy. Totes.
-Anti-materialistic soapboxing from a guy lounging in front of a pool. Indeed.


That's a classic right there. If you haven't already heard it, I think you're gonna' be BLAZED.